2025-06-24 | Good Luck
Dear Mr. D,
You have been the subject of much conversation as of late. Ecclesiastes teaches us that there are cycles of life, that history is repetitive, and behavior patterns tend to repeat across generations. I do not need prophecy or fortune telling to see the events about to play out.
A Familiar Pattern
I watched as one of my closets friends, out of his loneliness decided to enter a relationship with an unequally yoked woman who he claimed was equally yoked. The timing was almost directly after I observed him getting his life together, becoming both the father and man I knew God had called him to be. Right up until that time, I saw things seemingly start to fall in place for the young man. But soon after, I watched as conversations of God began to cease, prayers of meals stopped happening, and eventually church attendance started to drop until I never saw them come back.
The Choice Was Made
The beginnings of half-truths started, details of living directly in sin seemed to have slipped his mind when talking about a new property he had acquired. That father conveniently forgot to mention that he would be moving that unequally yoked woman right into his bedroom when he moved into his new place. Strategically for the kingdom of God this put him into a place where he had 3 basic options:
- Tell others about God, while living as a hypocrite before God and man.
- Let shame and unrepentance overtake his ability to share the Gospel and fellowship with other Christians.
- Repent (turn away from in heart and deed) and take back up the cross.
Two of the options limit or utterly destroy his testimony and any effectiveness that he has participating in building God's kingdom here on earth with others and his child(ren). Imagine explaining to your children why they should not move in with the opposite sex who is not their spouse just as both their father and mother have done as living examples. One of the decisions is the correct one, but will come under great duress from actually following God and worse duress until he does. The Bible is not short on stories of God crushing his own to bring them back into submission. God chastises the ones He love.
A Long Silence
On my side, I have patiently waited now years. My friend is no longer with the woman (it did not end well), but he is also no longer in church nor of any effect in the kingdom of God or over his child(ren). I often think of this verse when I think of him.
"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:"
— 1 Peter 5:8, King James Version
My friendship was not destroyed in the sense that we both still value each other, but it was in the sense that shame still stops most contact. We went from talking and hanging out weekly (sometimes daily), to a phone call every few months that I have to initiate. Frankly, it sucks...but if the world is truly cyclic as Ecclesiastes teaches then I expect I have to do this more than once. I would love to stay quiet and not rock the boat, but I would rather lose a friend trying to point them back to God than to have said nothing and watch my brother destroy his testimony and come under the judgement of God. Be careful, there are many verses about God ignoring the cries of his people who are still living in rebellion.
Evidence of Unequal Yoke
If you are indeed equally yoked as you have confessed, then here is the yoke you are tied to in agreeance. Here are her words that you are agreeance with.
- Ms. S wants to get drunk at a goth party so she can try a new “industrial” style of dancing by throwing her arms dramatically, while fully dressed in goth attire — something she insists Mr. D must attend with her.
- Ms. S has a list of bars and concerts she’s excited to go to and plans to take Mr. D along to all of them.
- Ms. S is looking forward to an October festival, specifically for its wrestling-themed dance event, which she says she and Mr. D need to attend.
- Ms. S openly says she doesn’t like children.
- Ms. S plans to move in with Mr. D in July.
- Ms. S describes how she and Mr. D will walk from their house to all the concerts and bars she wants to attend.
- Ms. S believes marriage is old-fashioned and thinks finding a partner to share life with is more important. (not exactly lining up with God's design or view of marriage)
- Ms. S says Mr. D is the third partner she has lived with.
Why I Cannot Bless This
Based on 2 John 1:9–11, I cannot in good conscience pray blessings over you and Ms. S, because Scripture warns against extending support or encouragement to those who are not walking in the truth of Christ. The passage says, “Whosoever transgresseth, and abideth not in the doctrine of Christ, hath not God... If there come any unto you, and bring not this doctrine, receive him not into your house, neither bid him God speed: For he that biddeth him God speed is partaker of his evil deeds.” In this context, "God speed" means to wish someone well or to speak a blessing over them—a way of saying, “may God prosper you” or “go with God.” But when someone is knowingly living in opposition to God’s Word, offering them such a blessing becomes an endorsement of that rebellion. To do so, would make me complicit in sin. That’s why I cannot ask God to bless your relationship or lifestyle as it stands. The only prayer I can offer with a clear conscience is that you and Ms. S would be convicted by the Holy Spirit, repent, and return to the truth of God’s Word. That alone would be a prayer aligned with both grace and truth. My wife and I will start praying for your return immediately.
The Door is Still Open
Please know this: nothing about what I’ve said changes how much I care about you. I’m not turning away from you—I’m standing in the gap for you. Even when I can’t stand with you in your choices, I will always stand for you in prayer and in love. My door and my heart remain open. If the day comes when you want to talk, ask questions, or take even one step back toward the truth, I will be here—ready to walk with you, not with judgment, but with grace and hope. God’s mercy is real, His arms are open, and so is my door if you want to talk about it.
Brother in Christ, Frank
James 4:17 KJV "Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin."