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Respect and Toxic People

What Respect Looks Like When Dealing with Toxic People​

Main Theme

The world says respect is earned. God commands His people to give honor where honor is due—not because people deserve it, but because we serve Christ and people are made in the image of Christ. Respect is a reflection of our character, not theirs. Yet, Biblical respect never requires us to participate in sin, enable abuse, or submit to evil.

Outline (45 Minutes)​

Introduction (5 min)

  • "Respect is earned."
  • Is that actually Biblical?
  • Difference between respect as the world defines it vs. Biblical honor.
  • Respect reflects Christ.
  • Respect does not equal agreement.
  • Respect does not equal trust.
  • Respect does not equal obedience when obedience would be sin.

Part 1 — Respect is Commanded, Not Earned (10 min)​

  • Primary Passages:
  • Romans 13:1-7 — God establishes earthly authorities, and believers are commanded to respect and submit to their lawful authority because resisting rightful authority is ultimately resisting God's order.
  • 1 Peter 2:13-18 — Christians are instructed to honor governing authorities and even difficult masters so that their Godly conduct points others to Christ rather than bringing reproach upon the Gospel.
  • Titus 3:1-2 — Paul reminds believers to be obedient, peaceable, gentle, and respectful toward all people, demonstrating the transforming work of Christ in everyday life.
  • Ecclesiastes 10:20 — God warns us to guard even our private thoughts and conversations about rulers because disrespect has a way of spreading and revealing the condition of our hearts.

Examples:

  • David toward Saul — David refused to kill King Saul, calling him "the LORD'S anointed," even though Saul repeatedly tried to murder him (1 Samuel 24; 26).
  • Joseph toward Pharaoh — Joseph faithfully served Pharaoh with wisdom and integrity, recognizing that God had placed him there to preserve many lives (Genesis 41).
  • Daniel toward Nebuchadnezzar — Daniel spoke respectfully to a proud pagan king while faithfully delivering God's difficult messages without compromise (Daniel 2; 4).
  • Paul toward Roman officials — Paul treated governors, kings, and military leaders with courtesy and respect even while unjustly imprisoned and standing trial (Acts 24-26).

Key statement:

God never says "Honor good rulers." He simply says honor those in authority. The Roman government under Nero was hardly righteous. Peter still wrote: "Honour all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king." —1 Peter 2:17 That king was Nero.

Application:

Respecting authority says more about your relationship with God than theirs.

Part 2 — Respect Does Not Mean Obeying Evil (10 min)​

Acts 5:29

"We ought to obey God rather than men." Examples:

  • Hebrew midwives — Respectfully disobeyed Pharaoh's evil command because they feared God more than man.
  • Daniel — Respectfully refused to compromise while continuing to honor and serve the king.
  • Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah (Shadrach, Meshach, Abednego) — Respectfully refused to worship the golden image, even under threat of death.
  • Peter and John — Respectfully refused to stop preaching Christ, declaring they must obey God rather than men.

Notice something:

  • None of them became disrespectful.
  • Daniel didn't insult Nebuchadnezzar.
  • The three Hebrews didn't mock the king.
  • Peter wasn't sarcastic.

Instead:

"We cannot do what you ask."

  • Respectful.
  • Firm.
  • Unmovable.

Application

You can say: "No." Without saying: "You're an (________ Insert whatever insult here)."

Part 3 — Respectful Speech (10 min)​

  • James 3 — Teaches that the tongue has great power to either bless others or cause tremendous harm.
  • Ephesians 4:29 — Commands believers to speak words that build others up rather than tear them down.
  • Colossians 4:6 — Instructs Christians to speak with grace, wisdom, and kindness.
  • Proverbs 15:1 — Shows that a gentle answer can calm anger, while harsh words stir up conflict.
  • Matthew 12:36 — Warns that every careless word spoken will be brought into judgment before God. This section should focus heavily on speech.
  • (Talk about Social media)
    • Sharing an embarrassing story about someone on Facebook because "it's true."
    • Mocking a politician or public figure with hateful comments instead of speaking respectfully.
    • Calling someone names in a YouTube comment because they disagree with your beliefs.
    • Making sarcastic or cutting remarks in a Facebook group over a doctrinal disagreement.
    • Publicly shaming a church member instead of speaking to them privately.
    • Forwarding rumors or unverified accusations because they are entertaining.
    • Posting a "prayer request" that is really gossip about another person.
    • Winning an online argument but losing your Christian testimony through harsh speech.
    • Rejoicing when someone you dislike fails or is publicly exposed.
    • Using anonymous accounts to say things you would never say face-to-face.
    • Sharing memes that belittle or dehumanize people made in God's image.
    • GOAL: Speaking respectfully to someone with whom you strongly disagree, even when everyone else is insulting them. Marital Examples
  • A wife constantly humiliating her husband online.
  • A husband constantly ridiculing his wife to friends.

Even if everything said is true... Is it honoring? Discuss:

  • Speaking differently when someone leaves the room.
  • Mocking leaders.
  • Mocking parents.
  • Mocking spouses.
  • Mocking pastors.
  • Mocking coworkers. Ecclesiastes 10:20

"Curse not the king, no not in thy thought..." Application: Even private conversations matter. God hears them.

Part 4 — Respect Does Not Mean Remaining in Abuse (10 min)​

This is where many sermons become unbalanced. Differentiate:

  • Respect
  • Submission
  • Trust
  • Reconciliation These are not synonyms. Examples:
  • David fled Saul.
    • Repeatedly.
    • He respected Saul.
    • He would not kill Saul.
    • But he also would not stay in the palace.
  • Jesus often withdrew.
  • Paul escaped Damascus.
    • Paul appealed to Caesar.
    • Paul used Roman citizenship.
  • Joseph fled Potiphar's wife. There is no Biblical virtue in standing still while someone hurts you. Discuss:
  • Domestic abuse — Respect does not require remaining in a home where you or your children are being harmed.
  • Physical abuse — God never commands enduring ongoing violence when there is a way to seek safety.
  • Emotional abuse — Constant intimidation, humiliation, or degradation should not be accepted as normal Christian living.
  • Repeated manipulation — Loving someone does not mean allowing them to continually control you through guilt, lies, or deception.
  • Threats — Serious threats should be taken seriously, reported when appropriate, and met with wise boundaries.
  • Stalking — Seeking protection from someone who persistently follows or harasses you is not a lack of respect but an act of wisdom.

Explain carefully:

  • A Christian may leave.
  • A Christian may call the police.
  • A Christian may establish boundaries.
  • A Christian may seek safety. (fight or flight when implications are life threatening) Application:

Respecting someone does not require remaining within reach of their sin.

  • Romans 12:18
  • "If it be possible..." Sometimes peace is not possible. Sometimes distance is.

Part 5 — What Respect Looks Like with Toxic People (8 min)​

  • Very practical. Respect looks like:
  • Not insulting.
  • Not slandering.
  • Speaking truth calmly.
  • Setting boundaries.
  • Leaving dangerous situations.
  • Refusing revenge.
  • Praying for them.
  • Not rejoicing when they fall.
  • Romans 12 — Teaches believers to overcome evil with good, refuse personal revenge, and live peaceably whenever possible.
  • Matthew 5 — Commands Christians to love their enemies, bless those who curse them, and pray for those who mistreat them.
  • Proverbs 24:17 — Warns against rejoicing when an enemy falls or taking pleasure in their misfortune. David is the perfect illustration.
  • He fled.
  • He cried.
  • He hid.
  • He defended himself. Yet when Saul died:
  • He mourned.
  • He never celebrated. That is Biblical respect. Application:

Respect is not saying, "You are right." It is saying, "I will honor God by the way I treat you."

Conclusion​

Repeat:

  • Respect is not agreement.
  • Respect is not approval.
  • Respect is not trust.
  • Respect is not submission to sin.
  • Respect is not remaining in abuse.
  • Respect is treating people in a manner worthy of Christ regardless of how they treat us. End with Jesus.
  • No one was treated more unjustly.
  • He was mocked.
  • Spit upon.
  • Beaten.
  • Crucified. Yet, He never reviled in return. 1 Peter 2:23

"Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again..." That does not mean He approved of evil. He called sin exactly what it was. But He did so without becoming sinful Himself. The world says, "Treat people the way they treat you." Jesus says, "Treat people the way I treat you." Final Application: Don't ask, "Who deserves my respect?" Ask, "How can I honor Christ in the way I treat others?"

Key Scriptures​

  • Romans 13:1-7
  • 1 Peter 2:13-23
  • Titus 3:1-2
  • Ecclesiastes 10:20
  • Acts 5:29
  • Daniel 1, 3, 6
  • Exodus 1:15-21
  • 1 Samuel 24
  • 1 Samuel 26
  • James 3
  • Proverbs 15:1
  • Proverbs 25:21-22
  • Proverbs 24:17
  • Matthew 5:44
  • Matthew 12:36
  • Ephesians 4:29
  • Colossians 4:6
  • Romans 12:17-21
  • Luke 23:34
  • 1 Peter 2:23

While, the Bible clearly commands honor and respectful conduct toward authorities and other people, it does not teach that every person is owed the same level of esteem or trust. Elders, for example, are said to be "counted worthy of double honour" (1 Timothy 5:17), indicating that "honor" can have different expressions depending on the relationship.